I have been sitting here for weeks... months in fact, saying I'm not sweating the big stuff, that having faith in the big step(s) has not been difficult... and I genuinely hold to that position. However, what was revealed to me yesterday as Jim prayed with me was about the difficulties of handling the 'small details'.
He was spot on! As he prayed he felt that it was important to exercise faith in the finer details and the 'small' too. This is an area where I have struggled. I've been wrestling with the details of knowing exactly what actions I should be taking in order to find God's plan. Additionally as Jim prayed he also spoke about my family saying that he felt that this was also an area where I should have faith. He pointed out that God has called me into this 'place' and as such He has also called my family into this place. Therefore I should not worry about them or the impact that this decision may be having on them but have faith that God is in control and that He will meet our needs.
The truth is that I have been worried about taking the necessary steps forward because of the possible implications for my family. "What if I am being called to 'live by faith'?" is the question I've been asking myself over the last week or so. 'Living by faith' means not commanding an income or salary in the traditional sense, but rather relying on God to provide for us through financial or other gifts. If this IS what he is calling me to then he needs to direct me in the 'ministry' that He is calling me to. If this IS what He is calling me to, the implications for our family regarding the things that we have almost taken for granted in the past - such as holidays, day trips, the kind of food we eat, where we eat, how we travel - is huge! It will mean a very different lifestyle and way of being as a family. so that's the stuff that I've been sweating about!
During the same service my wife also went for prayer. What was amazing was how God moved and spoke to her at the same time. When we got home from church, I asked her how her prayer time had gone. She came over and sat on my knee and told me that she also had been given 'a word' during that time of prayer about the journey we as a family were on. It was totally congruent with Jim's word to me. This is not just my journey. It is hers!... And it is our children's! And it is our church's journey.
God was clearly saying to us, "This is a journey that you are walking TOGETHER!" It's funny isn't it, how we take these vows to become united in marriage, but actually that is not enough! In order to be truly united, we then need to walk together, sharing the journey - or more accurately sharing our individual experiences of our journey together, working hard to understand one anothers' experience of the journey - in order to be united and of one accord. It is the journey itself that draws us closer to one another.
God has big things planned for us. He is at work. I feel it and know it in my heart - more importantly I'm experiencing it. I'm growing and maturing with each step along the way. One of the outcomes of this particular journey will be that we as a family will be closer and more united than before. That may be the sole purpose of this particular purpose, although I expect that there will be much more to learn along the way. Actually, in truth, that is not the purpose at all! The truth is that this journey we are on is one that leads to His name being glorified and the quickening of His Kingdom coming here on earth. That's the purpose! It's not about me, or my marriage or my work or my children or my church or my faith - It's all about Him.
My part in that journey is about becoming more Christlike. The more I become like Him the more His kingdom is revealed. The more his Kingdom is revealed the ore His will is done "on earth as it is in heaven".
As I reflect on it now, I can see that through His word to me about my family, what he is saying is that he wants me to draw them in more into this experience. Because it is NOT about me, or at least not about me alone, by drawing the family into the journey we share it and experience it together which in turn will draw us together. Furthermore, their experience of having the journey will enrich their lives. As an introvert, I think and work through life experiences INTERNALLY. So to share this with my family means externalising my thoughts in sharing them with the family. As I externalise and share the journey with my family they grow in knowledge and understanding of me thus enabling them to understand, support and love me more for the person that I really am.
But because it is NOT all about me, by sharing the journey with them I will grow in knowledge, understanding and love for each of them also.
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