I can be quite the pessimist at times! I'm good at spotting what's wrong, what's going to go wrong or identifying failure or inadequacy! It was because of that that i chose the name i did for this blog. However, it seems strange that I chose the name "not-so-speedy" and the picture of the Tortoise for this blog! I chose them because I do not consider myself to be the fastest of movers / learners. I can be quite the reflector at times. Little did I know what was coming when I began this blog. It is turning into a journey that has a casual pace to it!
A friend, one of my best friends, recently described me as being someone who is very much the activist, driving on to do things and get things done, someone who is always on the go. Indeed another friend describes me as "spontaneous and impulsive" and my best man as "someone who, when he decides to do something, just goes for it and does it!"
Given that context the learning process I am now going through is... SLOW! Other words I thought of there were "painful", "laborious" and something that describes something that just doesn't seem to be moving at all! The reason why those words aren't right for this situation is that I'm actually not experiencing 'pain' or 'labour' and things are moving... a bit, slowly but surely.
This journey is much more about two other words... Faith and Patience. So far I don't think I'm doing too badly on the first one! I am happy with the decision(s) I have made (to follow God's will and call and leave my previous job) and I believe that God will open doors as time moves on. So far I have barely had any 'wobbles' about the uncertainty of the future - despite there being little in the way of developments and clarity about what exactly my future direction will be! So I think, at the risk of sounding prideful, I'm doing O.K. on the 'Faith' stakes.
Patience... hmmmm! I look at some people around me and I consider myself to be quite a patient person! I don't actually consider myself to be the driven person that (some of) my friends perceive! (I'm not saying they are wrong by the way! - Perception IS reality!) I'm not driven in the usual way that the world describes 'driven people'. I'm not driven to be a successful businessman. I'm not driven to earn lots of money - though if it comes then I will consider it a gift from God. I'd love to have lots of nice things and I do find myself coveting things like huge flat-screen TVs, nice holidays, etc. But I also easily recognise the emptiness that they possess! If those things come, then that's nice...but they're not the be all and end all for me. I'm struggling with IMpatience but not in the way I expected to!
Faith and Patience at first glance would seem inextricably linked! In fact I believe that they are. Doesn't faith feed our ability to be patient? The more faith I have the more patiently I can wait. So, it seems "logical" to expect that if I'm experiencing Faithfulness that I also experience Patience. But it's not quite like that!
What I am experiencing now is a different kind of impatience, despite my faith in God's greatness. I'm excited about the future and what God has planned for me. My impatience, is for seeing it come to fruition! My impatience is on based on hope not desperation! It's a funny place to be and not where I expected to be - not how I expected to feel 6 weeks after having given up my 'worldly' security to follow what I believe to be God's will for my life. I much more expected to be seeing things happen "soon" because if they don't then my financial security begins to come into question. But in fact, whilst I do have times when I think and wonder where the 'work' is going to come from, I don't find myself 'worrying' about it. I instead, find myself impatient to see what God has in store.
I guess the best description of what I'm experiencing is "Impatient expectation"... Or is it "hopeful expectation."
I can't wait to see how God is going to use me in the future. I have grow up with a belief that He's going to use me in some great way. I've waited too long to give Him control of my life. Now that I have given Him control I want it all now! But, in line with the title of this blog, I expect that, now that I've finally given Him control, He needs to do some work on me, in me before I am ready for Him to fulfil His purpose and plans!
Bring it on... when I am ready!
Monday 26 May 2008
Sunday 4 May 2008
Faster Than The Speed Of Change!
What a difference a month makes. My last post (my first post!) written on 15th March '08 set the scene but I genuinely had no idea of what was to come next. Boy, if I had known...!
So there I was feeling challenged about the life I live, thinking of ways that I could become more Christ-like and truly serve God in the world, then on the 10th April 2008 my business partner and I had a serious conversation about the business and the future. I hadn't anticipated the conversation. I had for the last 5 or 6 months been feeling like God was calling me to devote more of my life to him. I had even discussed this with my business partner who is not a Christian. He and I had even discussed the fact that I would withdraw from the business in 2 to 5 years time. But when this conversation came up I found myself saying, "Why don't I leave now!" This wasn't as a result of a row or argument...on the contrary Paul (my business partner) and I had been working increasingly well together! For a while after I had suggested leaving, Paul and I sat and looked at each other. It wasn't what he had expected to hear. But then, it wasn't what I had expected to find myself suggesting! I have a wife and 2 young kids at home to support, plus a mortgage to pay, 2 cars to fund, etc, etc. What on earth was I saying?... And yet, it felt... right! We agreed that I would go away and pray about it with friends and discuss it with my wife (Carrie). But in my heart I KNEW what the outcome was going to be!
Carrie and I involved 6 other people, asking them to pray (separately/independently not together... not at the same time!) and asked them to ask God for a clear answer... for a decision as to what I should do. Only one or two of those praying for us knew the something of my situation and circumstances. Only one or two of them knew what they were praying about! The rest we asked them to simply ask God for an answer, "Yes" or "No". I wonder what the statistics are on this. What are the chances of those six people, plus Carrie and I (so that makes 8 people!) all praying for an answer and getting the same one! "The Man from Heaven, he says "Yes!'." But that's what happened! ALL of us felt the answer was "yes"...no doubts... no uncertainty.
By Saturday 12th April '08 (2 days later!) both Carrie and I KNEW for certain what God was saying. He had confirmed to us that He did want me to resign my position as co-owner/Director of the company unequivocally. Not only that but he had given words to our friends that corresponded with each other. Words like "The future plans have not yet been revealed." and people having 'pictures' of Doors... "some open and some needing to be pushed." And one significant picture of the Apostle Peter walked on water. Peter was fine whilst he kept his eyes on Jesus. But when he became distracted by the waves and began to waiver in his faith he began to sink. (Not surprising that Jesus called him "the Rock".)
Within a week I had resigned my position, agreed an exit strategy with my business partner, met and discussed the whole thing with our accountant and the deal had been done. Within a week I had gone from co-owner of a reasonably successful company, to being a one-man-band... except that I was not on my own. What is more amazing is that there was little fear, worry or concern about the future. (There still isn't!) We have been assured by God that if we keep our eyes firmly fixed on Him he will enable us to "walk on water".
A couple of weeks down the line and it feels good. I am continuing to work for my old company as a 'consultant' which brings in some income...but more will be needed if we are to maintain our financial stability. But little bits and pieces are already coming in!
Last weekend I was chatting with one of the other men from church whilst away on a men's weekend. He was talking about Joyce Meyer (www.joycemeyer.org.) and he quoted her as talking about the importance of 'holding on lightly to everything'. As I went away and reflected on her words I began to realise that in order to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and not be filled with fear and distracted by the danger (waves) around me in my new adventure, I needed to hold on lightly to everything - my car, my house, my past! I've worked for 16-and-a-half years doing what I do. But maybe, just maybe Jesus wants me to walk in a new direction to step out in faith doing something completely new! It would be easy to hold on to my experience and the things that traditionally give 'security' (house, cars, etc) to shape my future. No doubt my past will be of some use... but something tells me that actually Jesus wants me to 'live by faith' trusting in Him for my direction rather than 'conforming to the ways of the world' and relying on my own knowledge and experience to see me through. I'm good at doing it my way! Now it's time to find out how good I am at doing it His way!
I look forward with eager anticipation to see what the future holds. I think some Theological training may be part of that future... but I'll wait for Jesus to confirm that with me before committing to taking that direction!
Whatever happens it is my hope and anticipation that God will glorify His name and that through me He can bring His Kingdom to reality here on earth.
Like Jesus said, "Now is the time! The Kingdom of God is here. Repent and believe the Good news." I pray that I will be able to declare the same message.
Watch this space!
So there I was feeling challenged about the life I live, thinking of ways that I could become more Christ-like and truly serve God in the world, then on the 10th April 2008 my business partner and I had a serious conversation about the business and the future. I hadn't anticipated the conversation. I had for the last 5 or 6 months been feeling like God was calling me to devote more of my life to him. I had even discussed this with my business partner who is not a Christian. He and I had even discussed the fact that I would withdraw from the business in 2 to 5 years time. But when this conversation came up I found myself saying, "Why don't I leave now!" This wasn't as a result of a row or argument...on the contrary Paul (my business partner) and I had been working increasingly well together! For a while after I had suggested leaving, Paul and I sat and looked at each other. It wasn't what he had expected to hear. But then, it wasn't what I had expected to find myself suggesting! I have a wife and 2 young kids at home to support, plus a mortgage to pay, 2 cars to fund, etc, etc. What on earth was I saying?... And yet, it felt... right! We agreed that I would go away and pray about it with friends and discuss it with my wife (Carrie). But in my heart I KNEW what the outcome was going to be!
Carrie and I involved 6 other people, asking them to pray (separately/independently not together... not at the same time!) and asked them to ask God for a clear answer... for a decision as to what I should do. Only one or two of those praying for us knew the something of my situation and circumstances. Only one or two of them knew what they were praying about! The rest we asked them to simply ask God for an answer, "Yes" or "No". I wonder what the statistics are on this. What are the chances of those six people, plus Carrie and I (so that makes 8 people!) all praying for an answer and getting the same one! "The Man from Heaven, he says "Yes!'." But that's what happened! ALL of us felt the answer was "yes"...no doubts... no uncertainty.
By Saturday 12th April '08 (2 days later!) both Carrie and I KNEW for certain what God was saying. He had confirmed to us that He did want me to resign my position as co-owner/Director of the company unequivocally. Not only that but he had given words to our friends that corresponded with each other. Words like "The future plans have not yet been revealed." and people having 'pictures' of Doors... "some open and some needing to be pushed." And one significant picture of the Apostle Peter walked on water. Peter was fine whilst he kept his eyes on Jesus. But when he became distracted by the waves and began to waiver in his faith he began to sink. (Not surprising that Jesus called him "the Rock".)
Within a week I had resigned my position, agreed an exit strategy with my business partner, met and discussed the whole thing with our accountant and the deal had been done. Within a week I had gone from co-owner of a reasonably successful company, to being a one-man-band... except that I was not on my own. What is more amazing is that there was little fear, worry or concern about the future. (There still isn't!) We have been assured by God that if we keep our eyes firmly fixed on Him he will enable us to "walk on water".
A couple of weeks down the line and it feels good. I am continuing to work for my old company as a 'consultant' which brings in some income...but more will be needed if we are to maintain our financial stability. But little bits and pieces are already coming in!
Last weekend I was chatting with one of the other men from church whilst away on a men's weekend. He was talking about Joyce Meyer (www.joycemeyer.org.) and he quoted her as talking about the importance of 'holding on lightly to everything'. As I went away and reflected on her words I began to realise that in order to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and not be filled with fear and distracted by the danger (waves) around me in my new adventure, I needed to hold on lightly to everything - my car, my house, my past! I've worked for 16-and-a-half years doing what I do. But maybe, just maybe Jesus wants me to walk in a new direction to step out in faith doing something completely new! It would be easy to hold on to my experience and the things that traditionally give 'security' (house, cars, etc) to shape my future. No doubt my past will be of some use... but something tells me that actually Jesus wants me to 'live by faith' trusting in Him for my direction rather than 'conforming to the ways of the world' and relying on my own knowledge and experience to see me through. I'm good at doing it my way! Now it's time to find out how good I am at doing it His way!
I look forward with eager anticipation to see what the future holds. I think some Theological training may be part of that future... but I'll wait for Jesus to confirm that with me before committing to taking that direction!
Whatever happens it is my hope and anticipation that God will glorify His name and that through me He can bring His Kingdom to reality here on earth.
Like Jesus said, "Now is the time! The Kingdom of God is here. Repent and believe the Good news." I pray that I will be able to declare the same message.
Watch this space!
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